Lovelikecrazy's Blog

something more

lovelikecrazy — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 04:06:08 +0000

Its not often that my heart hurts, but for some reason it does now. The idea that Jesus was about something more than war and this world (as in our ideas and ways), and then seeing a close friend coming out of boot camp hurts. I can’t explain it, but it is where head and heart meet.

Please do

lovelikecrazy — Mon, 02 May 2011 06:16:08 +0000

I guess I couldn’t imagine thousands, if not millions, of people being happy if I was shot tomorrow.

“For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it” -James 2:10

I am no better than any other man. Please rejoice in taking my life America, it is only fair.

Covered

lovelikecrazy — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 00:46:02 +0000

My heart and soul desires what my flesh repulses.
Constant struggle, constant pain.
It is a process of reform,
a process of change.
But the sorrow is great when I look at my soul.

Sin covers my being. Great darkness inside.
I hope and long for something more.
I pray to be saved from myself,
but nothing seems to change.
I only see death in me covering the light.

Joy comes around, but death stays.
All I want is to know love.
All I want is to give my life, but my flesh resists.
Pain and struggle.

It’s a process that must happen,
but I refuse to embrace.
I want to run and hide; I want to escape.
I want to be made whole, but I can’t handle the pain.

Truth mixed with grace, feels like truth mixed with truth.
Grace is here, but hard to see.
Where is the fruit?
Where are the deeds?
I know He is near, but the truth hits harder.

I want to obey but I can’t;
I just can’t on my own.
And I try to give up.
I try to give in,
but all I can see is sin.

I need You,
I need the pain,
I need the sorrow,
It is what I need to find You.

Lord help me through my struggle.
Give me the strength to pursue.
Help me help others.
Guide me throughout my days.
Help me love You.
Help me need You.

ahhhhhh I don’t want to trust you God

lovelikecrazy — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 20:55:48 +0000

I never really know where life is going to take me; I guess no one really does. Heck I couldn’t even tell you where these three paragraphs are going to take me. That’s the scary thing, we never know, and we never have any control. Life is just a big trust fall in a way. We are told just to keep falling and hope and pray that God will catch us like He promises. I always thought I was pretty good at trusting God, but recently I’ve started to reevaluate that idea.

Sometimes God gives you crazy ideas. That is if you are open to it, and sometimes even if you’re not. Well I guess you could say I got one of those crazy ideas a few months ago. For some reason I’ve felt God calling me to go backpacking this summer. Not just some ordinary backpacking adventure, but instead going throughout the U.S. Now you have to understand I have a great job as a camp counselor. I loved it there last year, I grew so much in my faith, and I helped impact some kids lives. I mean you can’t beat that, or so I thought. Instead God wants me to go out on a serious limb, what’s new…

Several months have passed by and I don’t feel any closer to making this trip a reality. I honestly don’t know where to turn. I’ve asked a few of my close friends to pray about joining me and so far no one has felt called. This is where trust comes in you could say. I’ve just felt very discouraged lately about this whole trip and in the back of my head I know the easy way out is waiting for me. Camp is there for me, but if I don’t take the job within the next week I’ve lost my back up plan. Trust is the word. I just want more reassurance; I just want to know completely that everything is going to work out, but I guess that isn’t trust is it?

weeping for change

lovelikecrazy — Sun, 23 Jan 2011 20:47:42 +0000

Life hurts, love hurts, but it is everything. We hurt others without even realizing it, constantly. Maybe we do realize it, but we just don’t care. I guess that must be how God feels most of the time. All we can do is hope in Him, abide in His love and pray.

I guess I’ve never felt it from this end before, so I think at least haha. I don’t know how parents do it. I guess I understand why so many parents just stop caring because the pain is so great. But that is no excuse at the same time. Again I just say abide in Him and pray with all your heart. People change, but it takes time, and it is their choice.

A friend said to me last night, “its a process, you can’t expect a one year old to catch a ball the first time you throw it at them.” So yeah it takes time. It takes love. It takes prayer.

three little thoughts

lovelikecrazy — Sun, 19 Dec 2010 04:43:04 +0000

here are a few thoughts for ya, nothing too special, but thats ok…

“Then Jesus told his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.’” (Matthew 16:24) Ok so we have all heard this and I think a lot of us have the same view on this verse, or maybe have only seen one perspective on it. I was listening to Shane Claiborne yesterday and he started talking about taking up your cross in a different way. We need to remember the reason Jesus was put up on that cross was because he was “breaking some rules”. He was causing some holy discontent and dividing people. He was bringing down some serious righteousness. We need to emulate Jesus and bring some unholy rest into this world. We need to cause some disruption, in a good way. But we need to do something. We need to go against the powers that be. We need to take a stand, and we need to take up our cross. I don’t know what that will look like for you, and I certainly don’t know what it will look like for me just yet, but it is part of my job to do this so I guess I better figure it out haha.

“…who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus, before the ages began…” (2 Timothy 1:9) This doesn’t seem like much honestly, but I was amazed when I read this verse for the first time. Honestly I can’t explain it, but it amazed me. It amazed me that I have this holy calling, you have this holy calling, we have this holy calling… ya dig? And we have had this thing “before the ages began”! God has a plan. He wants to use you, me, the guy across the street, that weird guy you always just stares at you through your window when your getting dressed in the morning… haha yes even that guy. We have this holy calling that God wants us to take part in. He has this massive plan for us. Its not like if we do give Him our lives He is just going to drop us on our heads and laugh at us. No, He has a plan for us! Ahhhh! Do you get this, He has a plan for you! Amazing…

One other little tidbit, “…in hope of eternal life, which God, who never lies, promised before the ages began…” (Titus 1:2) So here it is. God doesn’t lie. If He says he has an awesome plan for your life; He does. It may not seem super awesome at first, but it is, trust me… I mean Him (haha that was a joke in case you didn’t pick that up). You may not be a pro wrestler or a man on the moon (or a woman), but He has even better plans, for real. He doesn’t lie buddy. Well thats what I once read in a book.

prayer of confusion

lovelikecrazy — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 04:58:01 +0000

I wish I knew what was going on. I don’t understand why I am feeling like this. I don’t know what I want or what I need. I don’t know what to do, what are You calling me to do? Why do I feel like crap? I thought I worked all this out already, I thought my loneliness was gone, I thought I didn’t care about anything else but You. Than what is my problem? What do I need to give? How can you use me? I feel worthless, I feel like I know nothing. What I feel called into I also feel like I suck at. I see all these missed opportunities. I see myself failing over and over again. What do You want me to do? Should I read, should I cry? What do You want me to do? I am dissatisfied with myself, with my life. I don’t understand You at all. I want to and I desire to, but more I look the harder it is to see Your face. I just want to give up at times and say FML. But I know You called me to do greater things and You chose me. I don’t know why though.

two cups of tea

lovelikecrazy — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 04:53:35 +0000

Two things I learned today. Well maybe not learned but that really stuck out to me.

1. Without Gods love no other love matters.

So here is my story behind this. Well lately I have just not been completely walking with God. It is so hard for me when I am off on my own. I am such a loser and I give in to the dumbest of things. You all know how the story goes. So I just haven’t been feeling super close to God the past few days. So I get back to school today and everyone is really nice to me and all. Everyone seems happy to see me, but it doesn’t matter. I start feeling worthless and empty. It doesn’t matter how much my friends “love” me, if God’s love isn’t there than their love just doesn’t matter. I walk away feeling empty and dissatisfied. But I know when I break my walls down and let God’s love surround me every little smile means so much to me and fills me up. Just something that little can easily make my day.

2. I see a lot of the word “us” in the Bible and not a ton of the word “you”

It is all about community. It isn’t about ourselves. And I have such a hard time grasping this. I mean everything I do is about myself so when the word “us” or “we” is thrown in the mix I am all shook up. Its just crazy how much community matters to God. It isn’t about ourselves, but it is all out us and each other. I really gotta keep that in mind as I go throughout my day. I mean the purpose of my life is to get ahead in life right? Well I guess not. I can see God watching over me muttering “suck it up cupcake”… haha ok well maybe He isn’t that harsh at all. But we need to realize what this life is all about. And it isn’t about us (as in just you or just me) but it is about us (as in us the plural form, I think that is the only form, but thats ok because I’m in college).

O and this title had nothing to do with actual blog except I have two ideas in here. My sister is reading three cups of tea. I know nothing about it, but I sorta like the title.

Friends, Family, Freedom, and Food

lovelikecrazy — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 03:53:57 +0000

Today is thanksgiving, so if no one told ya yet. HAPPY THANKSGIVING! and if its past turkey day (which it probably is), then too bad and happy thanksgiving anyway. So today is the day we are told to think of all the blessings in our life. We all think of the typical ones (normally), friends, family, freedom, and most of all food. Can’t leave out the food haha. But maybe we have more to be thankful for.

So I have been talking to this one person for awhile now and they always get me thinking. They see every situation as a blessing, good or bad it makes no difference. It is all under the same category of blessings. Its sorta crazy at first, but it really starts making sense the more ya think about it. So today I decided I am thankful for all my trails and convictions. I am happy that God has pointed out the crap in my life. Without Him I wouldn’t be the person I am now. I would just be an even bigger form of a jerk. look back on what God has brought me through and I see how each situation has changed me into who I am today. I know it sounds crazy, but be thankful for the challenges in your life today… or everyday. It is tough at times when life is really pushing your buttons. But remember, God is good, all the time, and all the time, God is good Hope ya have an awesome day even if it isn’t turkey day!

Everything I write might be wrong

lovelikecrazy — Sat, 13 Nov 2010 17:06:34 +0000

“I want you to know that everything I write might be wrong. Exercise discernment”. -Shaun Groves

What I write, what I say may be wrong. Heck all of it may be wrong.

Recently I pick up A New Kind of Christianity by Brian McLaren; for the second time. But I didn’t finish it last time. It was a tough book to handle so I put it down. I didn’t want to think about how my faith may be completely wrong. I wasn’t ready for it. So now this time when I picked it up some solid friends are reading it with me. I need to talk about this with others besides the author alone. I need to be able to bounce my questions, thoughts concerns off others.

Both of my friends who have picked up this book been warned. They have been warned by me. And then others have come up to them to warn them also. They see the book and instantly say “be careful!”. And yes that is great advice, but why only for this certain book? How do we exactly which interpretations are from God? How do we know what God thinks is right and wrong completely? Does it matter the book that we pick up, shouldn’t we “be careful” with every book? Just because our opinions are similar with some authors doesn’t mean they aren’t dangerous. It mean we need to dive into them even more, because it is what we believe.

Same thing here with this blog. Be careful, my views may be skewed. They may be wrong. And I’m sorry, that isn’t my goal at all. I don’t want to lead anyone astray, but at the same time I am only human. You need to ask God to reveal the truth in all we read and see.

“I want you to know that everything I write might be wrong. Exercise discernment” -Brendan Omicioli

P.S. Most of these ideas were stolen from Relevant Magazine; but I believe truth is everyone’s. But is you read to wish the original article I highly encourage you to.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/deeper-walk/features/23461-everything-needs-discernment